On April 22nd I received an email from the Race Director of the Massanutten 100 informing me that I was off the wait list and in the race. In December I did not gain entry to the race through the lottery, but entered the wait list not knowing whether or not I would get it. Four months later, and less than 4 weeks before the start of the race I was in.
The Massanutten 100 is a 103.7 mile trail race in the
Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia. The
course is known for its rocks and difficulty.
Finish times are generally 3-6 hours slower than those at the Pinhoti
100 that I finished in November in 23+ hours.
So, the race promises to be a challenge!
To make matters worse, I have decided to enter the Solo Division
(formerly known as the Stonewall Jackson Foot Cavalry Division…sweet name)
which means I can have no crew or pacers during the entirety of the race. This was an easy decision, as the late entry
and race location in Virginia made it difficult to arrange for support.
Despite the difficulties that I know await me during the
race, I am completely at peace headed into the event. This year has had a different feel for me
personally and with running. My training
has been less, but my results in races have been better. More significantly, my enjoyment of running
in general has been higher than in the past.
Why?
A little more than two years ago I had some moderate success
in my earliest ultramarathon races. This
relative success made me push more and more, and running quickly became an
overwhelming focus in my life. My
feelings can best be summed up by a couple of quotes from Harold Abrahams in
the movie Chariots of Fire. First, he responds to a question about his
love of running, to which he answers, “I’m more of
an addict. It's a compulsion with me, a weapon I can use.” Later, before running the 100 meter race in
the Olympics, Abrahams states, “I’m forever in pursuit, and I don’t even know
what it is I’m chasing…I’ll raise my eyes and look down that corridor, four
feet wide, with ten lonely seconds to justify my whole existence…but will
I?” While, admittedly, my emotions were
not as strong as an Olympic runner, I nonetheless was dangerously close to
establishing an identity for myself that was dependent on my performance in
races.
Further, I justified this with God. My thought process was simple, “God, if you
help me do well and be successful, then I can REALLY serve you.” How often do we do this as Christians? And with seemingly good things? Conversations with God can start to sound
like negotiations…God, if you will get me into a bigger house then I can REALLY
entertain for you…God, if you put us in the right school district for our kids
then we can REALLY have an impact for you with other parents…God, if you can
help me get that promotion then I can REALLY serve and give more to
missions. We tend to mistakenly believe
that God needs our stuff in order to be used for the Kingdom, when REALLY, God
can use us just as we are if only we
love Christ and love others and are willing to serve.
I remember thinking that running was essential to my being,
and my thoughts gravitated to running even when I was sitting still. I read every running blog, magazine article
and book that was available. I listened
to running podcasts and pored through race reports. I thought I would continue to improve as a
runner by immersing myself fully into the running culture and thus increase my
success. Then I fractured my heel.
Suddenly I could not run at all. I was completely devastated. My attitude at home was tense. I sulked and was certainly not a pleasure to
be around. For six weeks I could not
run, and instead walked around with an orthopedic boot. In the preceding months I had built an
identity around running and constant activity, and now I couldn’t even walk to
the kitchen without strapping on a monstrous velcro contraption to my foot.
Looking back months later this injury was a blessing in
disguise. Running had become an idol for
me. Underneath it was a search and
longing for approval and status that I believed running and running well would
certainly bring. The approval that I
have from my relationship with Jesus Christ had been quickly replaced by the
search for hollow approval through sport and fitness. When this happened, it impacted more than my
walk with God and my running. Everything
on my life’s priority list was out of balance.
I am thankful that God revealed this idol to me. Over the past two years He has shown me the
way to reestablish the proper order in my life.
A funny thing happened when this occurred. I started enjoying running more and even
began to perform better in races. I
learned a valuable lesson through this process…God wants us to enjoy life and
all the blessings that come from it (family, friends, food, hobbies, etc.), but
they are only fully enjoyed when our relationship with Christ is our aim, and
therefore we may have life to the fullest.
So, all said, I will be at the race this weekend and will
give it my all. I will be pushing hard
to do my best, but in the end, whether good or bad, I am not defined by the
race or my performance in it. My
approval is found in Christ alone.
RACE LINK
If you want to track my misery, the following link is
supposed to provide updates throughout the race.
IDOLS RESOURCES
If you want to know more about our modern day idols, the
book “Counterfeit Gods” by Timothy Keller is a great resource. Super practical and full of clear
insight. In addition, Adam Robinson, my
pastor at Double Oak Community Church, held a study series on this topic that
is available for free on iTunes as a podcast at the link below:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/double-oak-university/id634586481
Check it out. You
will be blessed.
FINALLY
Since I began with quotes from Chariots of Fire, I’ll end with one from the same movie, but from a
different character.
“I would like to give
you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula
for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where
does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said,
"Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you
truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to
the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race.” -Eric Liddell